I’ve
had always hard time with the idea of being given a name. How do I
know it fits? If I don’t feel that it fits, is that just me being
stubborn? I’ve seen it in others, where they’re given a name that they
aren’t willing to accept but it fits. I even have issues with my birth name sometimes. In all honesty, it borders on the neurotic.
A dear friend of mine made note in an e-mail recently about calling me RedHawk. I was excited and confused and having a ridiculously hard time with it. Was RedHawk okay? What about my other totems? Is it rude to them? What name would even embody more, is it supposed to?
It was around that time where I had a visit from a Coyote. During a meditation walk, I was contemplating the ‘what’s in a name’ idea when a large Coyote met up with me in the middle of my trail. He sat there for a few minutes, not letting me pass.
After staring at each other for a while, he huffed a sigh and told me to follow him with a touch of what sounded like frustration. He took me to a clearing of trees off the path that I was initially traveling. It was a large clearing, and the trees stretched very tall. He turned and sat in front of me...looking as if he expected something from me.
After a while, I moved as if to sit in the grass but he cleared his throat in a very Coyote like fashion. I froze. After a few more seconds of looking at me he asked, “Do you really expect a name to embody everything in your personality?”
I blinked and just stared at him.
He gave me a Coyote-grin and stood. “So you worry about being called a RedHawk?” As he spoke, I shifted into a red-tailed hawk. “But you also have a coyote? Do you not?” I stretched funny into a coyote but kept the wings of hawk.
I tried to look at myself, and Coyote was beginning to look amused. “And don’t you also have rattlesnake?” A diamond pattern of scales crept up my coyote legs.
“And my lady mud-dauber?” I lost my coyote tail and gained the end of a wasp
“And let’s not forget grandmother spider” My coyote face gained uncomfortable mandibles and way too many eyes
“And what about your very first?” And my back legs changed into owl legs, complete with talons. I was having a hard time balancing, seeing with multiple eyes was making things spin, and I just felt sick. Coyote however, was rolling on the ground laughing.
“What a funny creature you are!” He gasped through his laughter. “We haven’t even got everything yet!” Little flames erupted on my paws as he paused long enough to make eye contact before continued to roll around and laugh. The fire didn’t hurt, but I panicked and tried to stomp it out...which didn’t help my balance problem. After the third time of falling, I just decided to lay there. Some of my wing feathers were now changing to be bright colors and a bit longer. Some of the scales on my front legs started to look more metallic. Coyote recomposed himself and sat up again. “So what shall we call you, my poor little creature? What name would befit all of this?” His voice still holding back laughter. “Should we call you Chimera? Should we see how much more we can fit?”
I lay there silent, trying to make the feeling of being ill stop more than trying to answer. I felt miserable and embarrassed and a bit stupid. Coyote laid down and scooted so his nose was touching what I had for a nose. “Do you still feel you need a more encompassing name?” he asked in a very serious tone. I still tried to lay as still as I possibly could, I dare not even try to shake my head “no” let alone try to use my funny mouth parts to talk.
He sighed and sat back up, “You can’t be everything at once you know. Just as any name can’t encompass everything you are.”
As he spoke, I felt things shift back to being a coyote with red-tail hawk wings; this time with a bit more feathers scattered through the fur. My insides stopped feeling like they were having an internal war and the world stopped spinning. Still shaken, I didn’t want to move. Coyote just sat patiently and closed his eyes as the sunlight poured through the trees. It was warm and comforting, just sitting there sun bathing in fur and feathers. I closed my eyes as well to help me try to relax.
Soon, I jumped ‘awake’ to being poked with a Coyote nose. I got up cautiously and stood, still looking like a coyote with hawk wings. “A name can’t be everything you are,” he repeated as he watched me. “Nor can you be all your medicine at once. You should know better. Names are given for how people see you. People name you for how you allow them to see you. They see what is important to them, or to you, or to both of you. If you are called hawk, it is because that is how they see you and you should be proud to hold such character. Not wonder if they see every step in your spectrum,” He cocked his head to the side and made a type of Coyote grin, “Even I don’t see that, you expect human peoples to see that? You can’t even see your own nose! Though, seeing as you’re dualistic in nature, I think this will suit you well for now”
“Dualistic?” as I was still feeling humiliated and still slightly violated it was very quiet, even though I was curious and slight confused.
Coyote rolled his eyes, apparently thinking it was a stupid question “DUUUUUUH,” mumbling to himself a bit afterwards.
“But how will anyone know it’s a red-tailed hawk if I have a coyote tail?” I thought in my head and glanced back to look at my tail.
Coyote scowled at me in response, “Be happy with a red-tailed coyote as you are. You can’t have all your details. Haven’t you been listening that it doesn’t matter? Silly creature.” I awoke as he got up and walked back into the trees.
A dear friend of mine made note in an e-mail recently about calling me RedHawk. I was excited and confused and having a ridiculously hard time with it. Was RedHawk okay? What about my other totems? Is it rude to them? What name would even embody more, is it supposed to?
It was around that time where I had a visit from a Coyote. During a meditation walk, I was contemplating the ‘what’s in a name’ idea when a large Coyote met up with me in the middle of my trail. He sat there for a few minutes, not letting me pass.
After staring at each other for a while, he huffed a sigh and told me to follow him with a touch of what sounded like frustration. He took me to a clearing of trees off the path that I was initially traveling. It was a large clearing, and the trees stretched very tall. He turned and sat in front of me...looking as if he expected something from me.
After a while, I moved as if to sit in the grass but he cleared his throat in a very Coyote like fashion. I froze. After a few more seconds of looking at me he asked, “Do you really expect a name to embody everything in your personality?”
I blinked and just stared at him.
He gave me a Coyote-grin and stood. “So you worry about being called a RedHawk?” As he spoke, I shifted into a red-tailed hawk. “But you also have a coyote? Do you not?” I stretched funny into a coyote but kept the wings of hawk.
I tried to look at myself, and Coyote was beginning to look amused. “And don’t you also have rattlesnake?” A diamond pattern of scales crept up my coyote legs.
“And my lady mud-dauber?” I lost my coyote tail and gained the end of a wasp
“And let’s not forget grandmother spider” My coyote face gained uncomfortable mandibles and way too many eyes
“And what about your very first?” And my back legs changed into owl legs, complete with talons. I was having a hard time balancing, seeing with multiple eyes was making things spin, and I just felt sick. Coyote however, was rolling on the ground laughing.
“What a funny creature you are!” He gasped through his laughter. “We haven’t even got everything yet!” Little flames erupted on my paws as he paused long enough to make eye contact before continued to roll around and laugh. The fire didn’t hurt, but I panicked and tried to stomp it out...which didn’t help my balance problem. After the third time of falling, I just decided to lay there. Some of my wing feathers were now changing to be bright colors and a bit longer. Some of the scales on my front legs started to look more metallic. Coyote recomposed himself and sat up again. “So what shall we call you, my poor little creature? What name would befit all of this?” His voice still holding back laughter. “Should we call you Chimera? Should we see how much more we can fit?”
I lay there silent, trying to make the feeling of being ill stop more than trying to answer. I felt miserable and embarrassed and a bit stupid. Coyote laid down and scooted so his nose was touching what I had for a nose. “Do you still feel you need a more encompassing name?” he asked in a very serious tone. I still tried to lay as still as I possibly could, I dare not even try to shake my head “no” let alone try to use my funny mouth parts to talk.
He sighed and sat back up, “You can’t be everything at once you know. Just as any name can’t encompass everything you are.”
As he spoke, I felt things shift back to being a coyote with red-tail hawk wings; this time with a bit more feathers scattered through the fur. My insides stopped feeling like they were having an internal war and the world stopped spinning. Still shaken, I didn’t want to move. Coyote just sat patiently and closed his eyes as the sunlight poured through the trees. It was warm and comforting, just sitting there sun bathing in fur and feathers. I closed my eyes as well to help me try to relax.
Soon, I jumped ‘awake’ to being poked with a Coyote nose. I got up cautiously and stood, still looking like a coyote with hawk wings. “A name can’t be everything you are,” he repeated as he watched me. “Nor can you be all your medicine at once. You should know better. Names are given for how people see you. People name you for how you allow them to see you. They see what is important to them, or to you, or to both of you. If you are called hawk, it is because that is how they see you and you should be proud to hold such character. Not wonder if they see every step in your spectrum,” He cocked his head to the side and made a type of Coyote grin, “Even I don’t see that, you expect human peoples to see that? You can’t even see your own nose! Though, seeing as you’re dualistic in nature, I think this will suit you well for now”
“Dualistic?” as I was still feeling humiliated and still slightly violated it was very quiet, even though I was curious and slight confused.
Coyote rolled his eyes, apparently thinking it was a stupid question “DUUUUUUH,” mumbling to himself a bit afterwards.
“But how will anyone know it’s a red-tailed hawk if I have a coyote tail?” I thought in my head and glanced back to look at my tail.
Coyote scowled at me in response, “Be happy with a red-tailed coyote as you are. You can’t have all your details. Haven’t you been listening that it doesn’t matter? Silly creature.” I awoke as he got up and walked back into the trees.
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