I may write down some of my experiences, but it seems a bit funny to me that while I recall them enough to write them in some detail, I still don't quite understand them.
My first obstacle here, is are these really encounters, or are they just my subconscious. I would like to say that I can recognize the difference. There are plenty of meditation walks or dreams that while they can be wild, they all feel the same. Uncontrolled or unconscious responses, no immediate recognition of shifting scenarios, no immediate recognition of events that don't make logical sense, trouble with mobility...you know...normal dream stuff. Sometimes I can look around in a semi-consciousness to it, almost like watching a film as I am playing a part at the same time. Then there are others that have every sensation of being awake, yet in a place where the normal laws don't seem to preside. It's easy enough to point out little things; I feel texture, pain, shortness of breath, full emotions. My surrounding are sharper, there's no haziness in the details. There is no automatic response from me, none of my actions feel staged. I really feel if as if I am somewhere else. Usually I also feel exhausted afterwards, like I've been awake for 2 days kind of tired.
It is easy enough for me to assume that the first example is my brain just trying to process information. The subconscious is a powerful thing and recognizes so much more than our consciousness. Though, given that the subconscious is absolutely amazing, what's to say that every other experience with it's smells and texture, isn't just a complex working of the subconscious? A complex working would mean that it could easily bring up sensations and memories in clearer detail. It would also explain the exhaustion, the subconscious working overdrive to bring such elaborate things into the consciousness would be much more work than I assume is normal. I have a creative mind to begin with, so it's not too far of a stretch for me to think that even the most impressive experiences during my meditations/dream walks are constructions of my subconscious.
If that's the case, how much would it matter? How much of a difference would it make if my encounters with Coyote are nothing more than my subconscious picking out an easy archetype and image to fit it in order to work through some of the more complex thoughts rolling around in my head? Personally, I would view them in just the same skepticism, and evaluation as I do now. Though if I knew for certain it's one or the other, my basis for evaluation would be a bit different. I would still analyze my experiences, just as I analyze social interactions. But in the same way I can't evaluate interactions with wild animals is not the same way I can evaluate interactions with domestic animals, or humans...it would differ.
Let's say I assume spiritual intervention when I get a visit from Coyote. Coyote being a trickster, I still try and see his interactions with me on a few different levels. Deciding whether his advice or lessons is to be taken at face value is the least of my concerns. Why did he tell me what he did? What was my initial reaction? Looking back on my initial reaction, is how I felt then the same way I feel now? Why? Is there any other way to view the situation? Who else does this effect? What is the impact I think this has on what I have been doing? But it is all with the assumption of a being separate from myself has watched my interactions and is making observations.
Assuming it is all in my subconscious, similar questions will be asked, but with more of an air of trying to figure out why my subconscious and conscious don't line up. Is it because of ingrained paradigms? Am I now seeing something, is my subconscious afraid?
Then again, who's to say it's not a mix of both. It's
only my subconscious that is willing to fully accept the spiritual
entities because my conscious mind is too wrapped up in deciding to whom
they belong in the first place.
I've been told on numerous occasions to just follow my instincts on the matter. If I am to do that, I would say that I am indeed not having elaborate conversations with a construct of my subconscious. That I do have interactions with entities outside myself. But again, the subconscious is a powerful thing. Most instinctual things, such as gut feelings on an individual, are in fact the subconscious picking up on body language, tone of voice, facial expression, pharamones, and other little signifiers and letting us know with internal warning bells. While the subconscious is able to give warning, sometimes it becomes jaded in the face of trauma so it becomes slightly paranoid. We can see this when our "gut" is wrong about a person.
Though with the idea of trauma, we bring up the inevitable idea of mental illness playing a role. The common phrase is "If you're seriously questioning your sanity then you're obviously fine. Crazy people never know they're crazy" But this is not necessarily true in whole. I'm sure it is true in a long list of cases of severe illness, but what about minor? They say that the deciding factor in whether it is illness, is how functional is a person in the outside world? If they are able to hold down things that are considered necessary for survival such as network of friends, keeping a job, personal hygiene, and things of the like that they are fine for all intent and purpose. If that is the case, I am just fine; though I have a tendency to be a bit to critical...
There are many strange experiences I have, and what makes it even harder is when things that seem unexplainable come to pass. I think I will have a long road ahead of me before I am ever comfortable in an explanation. Or maybe I really just need to embrace my gut feelings as they are and stop analyzing everything so much; it would be easy to pass off what is going on as crazy if none of it added up. Maybe most of my problem comes with the fact that they have continually proven to have an accurate impact and I am not quite sure what it all means.
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